Me helping me
Thankful for past me helping present me.
And trying to help future me.
Several years ago, we moved to our new home which has an absurd number of gardens. Front yard. Back yard. Side yards.
They're lovely, but a lot.
I should be getting paid as a part-time gardener, but I'm not.
They're a bit overwhelming in the spring when it seems like everything needs to be done at once. I'm practicing taking it one small step at a time, which is helping. Less annoying, more enjoyable. One thing that has perennially annoyed me, though? The paths.
Reason #1: The wood-chipped paths always need weeding.
Reason #2: They go nowhere. Seriously, nowhere. There's no reason for them to exist. They're just walkways circling garden beds.
An ultimate waste of time can be defined as maintaining something that shouldn't even exist.
Last fall, I couldn't take it anymore. I scooped out the wood chips, peeled away the landscape fabric, raked in some soil, sprinkled grass seed, and then watered daily for two weeks. It was a lot of work, but finally, the paths were gone.
Why does it always require so much effort to fix the irritating things in our lives?
Every time I look out the window this spring, I see the new grass where the paths used to be and smile. No more weeding paths to nowhere. What's even better, though? Feeling grateful for the past version of me who helped present-day me. Thanks, past me.
I remember years ago when I was struggling—dragging myself out of bed each day—it was fall, and a friend magically delivered bulbs to me, so I forced myself to plant them. Kneeling on the grass and leaning into the garden—wishing I was back in bed—I dug small holes and dropped in bulbs. It was in the kneeling that I realized this: I would still be there in the spring to see the bulbs bloom. I would make it through the winter. There was a future me. Somehow that helped with the struggling.
Today I started to wonder:
What can I do today, even if it's difficult, that will help future me? Maybe it's for tomorrow me or next-month me, or even next-year me. I want to be grateful and smile out my window in the future.
What am I thinking? Channeling a future me as a motivator for present-day me never works. I know this about myself. It seems like it should work—I so wish it would work—but I've tried before and it just doesn't.
This is more like the reality I live with: The results of not doing a thing have got to become more irritating or painful than actually doing the thing.
I'm sure you've heard some version of that before.
The results of not cleaning with my unwieldy canister vacuum have got to become more irritating than actually using it.
The results of not having a difficult conversation have got to become more painful than actually having it.
The results of not removing the garden paths had to become more irritating than actually removing them.
So maybe this is a more helpful thing to ask:
What is one thing that I am not doing today that is resulting in extra pain (small or large), and can I at least start noticing it? Maybe even do one small thing about it?
A little less unnecessary pain sure would be nice.
I have to admit though, I'm a bit tired lately from spending 12 hours a week in the garden. I told you it was a lot. So this is what I'm asking instead:
What did I do yesterday that is helping me today?
Laundry. Yesterday, I put away the laundry, and today I'm oddly super grateful not to be staring at a basket of clean laundry that I don't want to deal with.
Dear me, thanks for helping me.
Complement with Not Noticing, Even the Good Stuff.